FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Less talking, more tequila
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
