OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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