oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
