maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
