this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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