I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Green mimosas i think yes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A+ Viking dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
