everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
