You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His hands were made for my vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
