Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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