Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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