I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
