Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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