Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
