drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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