Just fell off a train. Bad.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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