capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
