I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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