He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
