no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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