i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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