drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
