swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
