Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
