how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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