I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
