My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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