I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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