some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
