there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
