Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize