don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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