I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
