Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
