is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
