yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Welp...herpes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize