I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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