i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
