1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
