She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
