why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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