Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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