she was so not down for the gang bang
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
