Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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