bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
