there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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