I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Text me some of your sweat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
