I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
