There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
