party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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