It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
