The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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