A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
