So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
