did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
