Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We need to get me chipped asap
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