This is not my ceiling
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just google imaged poop.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've blown a few things in my day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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