So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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