I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
