It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
