Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
