apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
