So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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