Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
bring money and cleavage
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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