He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
